Backbites

It's Sarah B for the Ascot bash - well done Jeremy

The Backbites office was awash with correct answers to last week's competition to identify our somewhat unusual photograph of - yes you guessed it - not Kate Bush, not Anna Ford, not Elaine Page and certainly not Robert Powell's wife Babs.

No, it was the erstwhile, and better-looking half of Mr and Mrs Andrew Lloyd-Webber - Sarah Brightman.

Two free tickets to the Chartered Institute of Building's spectacular 160th anniversary concert and garden party go to the managing director of Deal-based tunnelling company Pincher Martin Construction, Jeremy 'the actor' Gagan - whose interest in literature and theatre has certainly paid off on this occasion.

Hunt for ethics man continues

Following the remarkable discovery of Roger, Europe's oldest man, in a Sussex quarry, the Government has announced plans to hunt the last remnant of an even rarer species in order to solve the problem of late payments.

We refer, of course, to the search for Ethics Man, announced in a White Paper last week.

Precursor to the modern day species of businessmen, commercialalis neanderthalis, archeaologists have pieced together a remarkable picture of Ethics Man. Ancient cave drawings depict him as above average in height, broad shouldered, honest-looking and squared jawed.

But most exciting of all, from invoices and receipts etched on clay tablets, it is known that he always paid his bills on time and declared flawlessly his payment policy and track record. Geneticists link this to the small size of his brain, (125CC).

After last week's White Paper, the Government apparently assumes it will find Ethics Man alive and well, despite 2,000 years of recession.

However, an eight-strong team of 'Ethics Man' experts put together by the ICE last week declared their belief that he died out before the last Ice Age.

Ethics part two

CJ's story last week about the Institution of Civil Engineers' ethics committee was to have included a progress report on the Department of the Environment's ethics working party, set in motion two months ago by Construction Minister Tony Baldry.

But a stream of calls to the DoE's press office always produced the same reply: 'We're looking into it but no-one has heard of it.'

Finally, as the diligent (full marks for that) press spokesman's holiday loomed, he faxed CJ a message which explained why the DoE's information trawl was proving so unfruitful.

His note read: 'Essex Working Party - I have not yet got an answer. In my absence try Malcolm Dodds.'

Why Malcolm? Does he wear white socks and drive a Ford Escort XR3i? I think we should be told.



Flying wing-nut on the M6

There are nuts, bigger nuts and lunatics when it comes to driving along motorways, but not many screwballs can surpass the BMW driver who removed a row of cones blocking the M6 at Broughton, and sped south along a closed-off motorway.

His journey ended as he ploughed into a 4ft bed of sand laid down by contractors who were preparing to demolish a bridge.

Two dozen startled workmen, believing they were in a 'sterile' area, scattered when they saw the car's headlights approaching.

As the police pointed out, the noise of heavy machinery being used by the contractors might well have stopped them from hearing the fly-by-night's approach. The driver faces prosecution. Hang him.



Late for Latham, but at least it's consensus

Sir Michael Latham faces a daunting task as he settles down to completing his report on contractual practice. He is aiming to get a draft completed by next week.

And he will not have been helped by the fact that the Construction Industry Employers Council failed to get its own final recommendations in by the appointed deadline.

Still, better late than never. CIEC has been trying to reconcile the concerns of major contractors at the BEC with those of the FMB small builders while incorporating the views of the FCEC civil engineers who affect to be not particularly interested in the whole exercise.

It's a wonder they have managed any kind of consensus at all.