Back bites

Spot the difference

Confusion reigns over the difference between a lay-by and a traffic hazard. Worrying? It should be because it is the Highways Agency that does not appear to know the difference.

A lay-by constructed at an intersection between the A14 near Cambridge and the M11 not only cost £200,000 - it was open for less than a week after failing a safety audit.

Agency inspectors decreed the positioning was a potential hazard with drivers weaving across the road to get to it. It makes you wonder how much weaving took place before the daft decision was made to build it.

Hazardous pooh

Railtrack is expected to fork out about £70,000 in a clean-up operation to get rid of pigeon droppings in Balham, south-east London.

Wandsworth Council sued Railtrack for the cost of the clean-up after pedestrians complained that deposits from birds roosting under a railway bridge were making the pavement slippery.

Despite mounting a last ditch attempt to reverse the ruling, three judges pooh-poohed Railtrack's appeal.

Green machine

Alan Smith, HBG's director of public relations, thought he had stumbled on to the film set of The Bill when his silver Mercedes was surrounded last week by four police cars with screaming sirens and flashing blue lights along with a helicopter hovering overhead.

Police officers swarmed around the Mercedes and shouted at him to get out of the car, which Alan did with understandable alacrity.

Luckily, it turned out to be a misunderstanding. The police were looking for a different man who drove a silver coloured car and was suspected of abduction.

This was not Alan's only run-in with the authorities. The previous week it was the turn of the security police at the Channel Tunnel to give the Mercedes the once-over. Alan is now thinking seriously of having the car painted HBG green.