It's a complicated industry, construction. There are so many job titles and terms that it's sometimes hard to remember what everything means.
But help is at hand. I happened upon a few good definitions of various construction words and phrases the other day on the web. And I liked them so much that I have decided to start a 'Constructasaurus' on my blog.
Here are a few definitions to start it off:
TENDER SUBMISSION: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
TENDER SUM: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
SUCCESSFUL TENDERER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
ARCHITECT: A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything.
CONSULTING ENGINEER: A man who knows a great deal about very little, and goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about nothing.
QUANTITY SURVEYORS: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
LAWYERS: People who go in after the quantity surveyors and strip the bodies.
COST PLAN ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.
MANAGEMENT CONTRACT: The technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
SUBCONTRACTOR: A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
CONTRACTOR: A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends up knowing nothing due to his association with architects and consulting engineers
Vut this is only the start. What I want to do now is add as many definitions as I can. And that's where you come in.
If you have any other definitions to add to the Constructasaurus, post them below.
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Comments (12)
QUOTATION: File under 'Fiction'.
CONSTRUCTASAURUS: Large Prehistoric Beaver.
FOREMAN: Supervisor who does the work of more than three people.
COWBOY BUILDERS: The unspeakable doing the unmentionable to the unbelieving.
Posted by Martin Hutchinson | September 19, 2008 2:40 PM
Posted on September 19, 2008 14:40
TUNNEL: a circular or elliptical hole, driven through ground which was never foreseen at time of tender, with a large heap of cash at the entrance, and a large group of lawyers at the exit.
Posted by Chris Harnan | September 19, 2008 2:41 PM
Posted on September 19, 2008 14:41
COLLABORATIVE WORKING: Sitting in the same open plan office as the architect and client, but only speaking to them through your lawyer.
Posted by Fred20 | September 19, 2008 3:12 PM
Posted on September 19, 2008 15:12
Value-engineering: The art of making cost-cutting sound constructive.
Posted by Rob Lang | September 19, 2008 3:13 PM
Posted on September 19, 2008 15:13
AGENCY LABOURER - A man who sets himself abysmally low standards which he constantly fails to achieve.
Posted by Douglas MacKinlay | September 19, 2008 3:32 PM
Posted on September 19, 2008 15:32
Eco-fication: Making something sound better than it really is so you can charge more and/or get into the press.
Posted by Green scream | September 23, 2008 2:39 PM
Posted on September 23, 2008 14:39
SITE ENGINEER;
The person expected to know everything with no information or support from construction team and only having the most out of date drawings.
Are supposed to know what's going on, even if the Contracts Manager has only the vaguest idea
Provides line & level for operatives, who have no understanding of what it is they are doing. Then do what ever they want trashing the setting out lines and blame the Engineer for anything & everything.
Essential skill; must have the ability to walk on just poured / fresh concrete due to Foreman demanding next days setting out!...
Posted by Alastair Morley | September 24, 2008 8:23 AM
Posted on September 24, 2008 08:23
This site QS would be out of his depth in a carpark puddle (Ardmore)
Posted by John | September 24, 2008 11:25 AM
Posted on September 24, 2008 11:25
Value Engineering: A process which engineers the values instead of valuing the engineering
Posted by Ron Casson | October 3, 2008 11:53 AM
Posted on October 3, 2008 11:53
Seismically Designed High Rise -
In an earthquake, the structure will not collapse, but will drop all of its glass and stone panels into the street turning pedestrians into a stew-like mush of pureed flesh.
Classically Proportioned -
Traced out of a book of Greek architecture.
Postmodern -
Traced out of a book of Roman architecture.
Pedestrian-Oriented -
Doesn’t have enough parking.
Contextual -
Is surrounded by a lot of other buildings the architect couldn’t tear down.
Posted by Nick Patience | October 6, 2008 5:08 PM
Posted on October 6, 2008 17:08
Contractors Claim - The exact amount required to turn a net loss into a net profit.
Critical Path Analysis - The technique of knowing how much of your shirt you have lost at any moment in time (Comes after Management Contract) or
Critical Path Analysis - The technique that proves that you more you try and control chaos the more chaos will occur.
Auditors - People who come after the Quantity Surveyors and the Lawyers and check to see if everyone has been properly bayoneted and their bodies stripped. (Comes after Lawyers)
Employers Requirements - A description of work that means something different to each person that reads it.
Contractors Proposal - A description of work that clarifies everything to the point of utter confusion.
Practical Completion - the point at which the innocent are shoot and the uninvolved take all the credit.
Posted by David Mutch | November 5, 2008 4:19 PM
Posted on November 5, 2008 16:19
Contractors Claim - The exact amount required to turn a net loss into a net profit.
Critical Path Analysis - The technique of knowing how much of your shirt you have lost at any moment in time (Comes after Management Contract) or
Critical Path Analysis - The technique that proves that you more you try and control chaos the more chaos will occur.
Auditors - People who come after the Quantity Surveyors and the Lawyers and check to see if everyone has been properly bayoneted and their bodies stripped. (Comes after Lawyers)
Employers Requirements - A description of work that means something different to each person that reads it.
Contractors Proposal - A description of work that clarifies everything to the point of utter confusion.
Practical Completion - the point at which the innocent are shoot and the uninvolved take all the credit.
Posted by David Mutch | November 6, 2008 4:01 PM
Posted on November 6, 2008 16:01